Twilight Wife swap
by bloody.bite
Summary: Emmett gets a crazy idea to swap wives.Who will the new couples be?What will happen in the Cullen house when everyone is switched up?Mkay I really don't know how so summarize this, just read it!And I don't understand the ratings,so it's unrated!NOTTHATBAD
1. Chapter 1

TWILIGHT WIFE SWAP

**If you actually think Twilight belongs to me, I want to know what you smoke!**

**I do not own Twilight, it owns me!**

**D-claimer:**I stole this idea from ipoked-KiraandEdward-andlived , I didn't read the story so that I wouldn't have anything except for the plot similar. I'm sorry, but this idea popped into my head so credit to you!

Post BD but no Renesmee and Jacob...

"Hey Rosalie!" Emmett screamed in the Cullen home "yeah?" Rosalie asked in her crystal clear voice. "I'm bored..."  
"So go do something"  
Both of them were sitting on a couch in front of the television, at one moment the volume on the television became louder and the couples eyes were glued to the television. Normally no one payed attention to human television, but this just caught their attention.  
_There is no order in this house!  
Shut up!  
I'm going into a hotel!  
"This week on Wifeswap, Beauty queen Sandie flies to Arkansas to meet the Millers, a farm family  
_  
A wide grin spread around Emmett's face, luckily Alice is shopping right now so won't be able to foil my awesome plans. Bella and Edward are at Charlies so the stupid mind reader won't be able to see this one coming."I know what we're going to do today!" Emmett said excitedly. "Have you been watching Pinky and the brain?" Rosalie asked her immature husband. "Yes, but that's beside the point, go get Carliasle and Esme!"  
Rosalie looked at her husbnd with her left eyebrow high in the sky. Emmett sighed and said "Carlaisle, Esme come" he said in an irritated voice, that was to low for a human to hear, why couldn't Rosalie respect his authority? "What authority?" Rosalie asked him. "You're a stupid mind reader to?!?!" Emmett asked, shocked.  
"No, I could see it in you're eyes"  
"You're an eye reader?!?" He gasped. Esme and Carlisle were standing hand in hand watching the odd couple throw accusations at each other. Carlisle gently let out a low cough so Emmett could get to the point. "Umm...anyways, mommy....I have a favor to ask you" Emmett looked at Esme with smoldering eyes that no mother could resist. Esme let go of Carlisle's hand and flew to the couch to sit beside Emmett. "What is it honey?" She asked him with an adoring voice. "First, you have to promise to do it!" He said in a childish voice. Rosalie and Carlisle sighed, how did he always get her to promise these things? "Sure!" She said before even thinking about what she promised. Rosalie's hands flew up into the air, exasperated. At that exact moment Alice and Jasper flew in from the doors. "Don't promise Esme!" Alice shouted, hands full of shopping bags, but it was to late. "To late Alice! She alredy promised!" Emmett said taunting her "Dammit Esme, don't you remember what happened last time?" Jasper said, getting mixed emotions from the room. At that moment Edward flew into the room with Bella in his arms by the back, glass door "Are we to late?" He asked "Yes, unfortunately." Rosalie sighed. "What is it Emmett?" Esmee asked with adoring eyes, oh how she loved her son. "Well, I was just watching this and well...I think we should do a WifeSwamp, Cullen/Hale edition." He said. The tension in the room was killing Jasper. "What?Huh!What kind of drugged animal did you drink from?" Jasper asked angrily. "Excuse me Emmett? Why do you want to switch me up? What's wrong with me?HMM??"  
"The list could go on..."Edward grumbled.  
"No!" everyone said except for Esme and Emmett. "Well...I did promise him, and I think this could be a fun experience, we should try it you guys!" Esme said looking into her adopted son's eyes. Since Esme said yes, Carlisle couldn't object. Carlisle looked down, saddened by what he was about to announce "Okay then...how will we do this?" Esme and Emmett squealed with happiness, but everyone else groaned with frustration, except for Jasper, he had mixed emotions. He didn't know wither to jump up and down and start clapping, or throw a lamp at Emmet like Edward was thinking about doing.  
"So I think we should start by choosing the couples, let's draw names" Emmett swiftly got up ran to his room and was back with a bunch of little papers and a black fedora. "Why do you have a fedora on hand?" Alice asked. "You don't want to know..." Emmett replied sheepishly, as Rosalie looked down at the white carpet. "Ugh! Eww!" A shiver ran down Edward's spine as he saw what Emmett meant by his last sentence. Emmett handed a piece of paper to everyone "OK so, write you're name on the paper, fold it in half and give it back to me"  
"What do we use to write with?" Rosalie asked.  
"You're a vampire, figure it out" Edward replied. After that everyone held the piece of paper in one hand and started tracing their names with their nails. "Done" Edward said followed by Bella, Jasper, Carlisle, Alice, Rosalie and Esme. They all handed the paper back to Emmett as he threw them into the black and red fedora. "Okay you guys, who wants to pick first?" No one stepped up to the plate so Carlisle unwillingly showed his hand "I will" he said quietly. "Excellent!" Emmet said exuberantly. Esme smiled happy with the way this was pleasing her son. Carlisle put his hand in the fedora and a white slip came out, he unfolded the neatly folded paper "Okay so my new wife is..."

**Sorry you guys, I had to do it. Give me you're ideas, I already know who I want to pick but, you could always change my mind….**

**XOXO **

**P.S…look down there….it's a button…click it…it will make you cool…review *whisper* review...  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**BTW: I made a mistake, it's post Eclipse but with a couple changes.  
**C_arlisle put his hand in the fedora and a white slip came out, he unfolded the neatly folded paper "Okay so my new wife is..."_  
"Alice." he said, Jasper could feel the fear radiating off Jasper, and was somewhat sad to see his wife go and coud feel the same thing happen to Alice. Alice pecked him on the cheek and went to stand beside Carlisle. Emmett was as happy as a monkey eating a banana. "Okay, who'se next?"no one responded so Emmett volunteered "Fine, bunch of babies" he grumbled. "OKay, my new wife is..." Emmett stuck his hand into the fedora and pulled out a folded peace of paper, although not as neat as the one Carlisle pulled out. Edward and Alice started to giggle as Emmett read the name aloud in an excited tone. "My new wife is...Jasper! YAY, oh wait what?!?!"  
Jasper scoffed "Well, you should aubviously pick a new name."  
"Wait, hold on. You picked a name, that's you're new wife" Edward smircked "Besides, this could be an awesome payback" he said as low as a whisper. "No way! I'm supposed to have a wife! Not a life partner" Emmett argued, flashes of Jasper in an apron iorning a chemise, shudders erupted into the room. "Actually, I think a gay couple should be accepted" Bella spoke up. "Yeah, power to em!" Rosalie said "And this house does need somediversity" Esme chirped in. E

dward and Alice were laughing the whole way."Then it's settled, you guys are our gay couple" Edward said, "But wait, then won't there be a lesbian couple?" Rosalie asked, the single ladies (:) looked at each other warily. Jasper and Emett started chuckling, the evil in their laughs uncontained. "Fine then, I guess I'll pick my husband, but preferably wife" Rosalie grumbled. Bella was still quite frightened by the idea of rooming with Rosalie..."My new wife/husband is..." Rosalie unfolded a scruffy paper and read the name aloud "Bella" she hissed through her teeth. Everyone knew Rosalie was not very open minded about the humanXvampire relationship. Rosalie turned around and went outside, thanks to the screen door everyone saw what she was doing.

Rosalie looked up into the sky and started screaming. She composed herself and returned to the livingroom, she smiled and turned to Emmett, she passionately kissed him and went to stand beside the staircase waiting for Bella to joing her. Anyone could see the fright in Bella's eyes, she squeezed Edward's hand and tenderly kissed Edward.

Then were both sad to leave each other, but went to do their duties. "So I guess that means you are my new wife Esme." Edward went to stand beside his adopted mother and observed the room. Bella looked scared as baby, as Rosalie looked pissed as a lioness. Emmet and Jasper we're looking very bitter. And Carlisle looked quite nervous standing beside the happy little Alice. "So...is there a prize?" Jasper asked.

Everyone turned to look at Emmett who just shrugged "I dno" he said sheepishly.  
"Well...why don't we start with the rules" Carlisle said, he leaded everyone to the dining room table where they all sat, the new couples together.  
"So what should the rules be?" Carlisle asked, a pen and notebook in hand.

**AN: OK, so my chapters are reaaally short**, **I know. Sorry.** **But I have an extra long weekend so I might write some new chapters, but I have alot of projects I need to get started on. I also need some ideas on the prize and rules. Shout out to the best one!!** **Anyways, thanks for reading (and to my buddie who helped with some ideas Murielle!). Don't forget to review!!!!  
XOXO **


	3. Lame author's note

Hy Twilighters! This is unfortunately only an author's note, not a new chaptahhh :(

For a new chapter I need help! I got one rule down, but need 4 (or more) to get the story going, and I need the prize for the winning Cullen. C'mon guys! Help me ou!

Xoxo Bloody bite.


	4. CHAPTAAHHH 3

_"So what should the rules be?" Carlisle asked, a pen and notebook in hand._

Edward's head suddenly snapped up and everyone looked at him waiting…

"What?" Bella asked.

"Emmett" Edward said with a wide evil grin. "It seems like Emmett already made the list"

"So why doesn't he share?" Esme asked

"Because…he is not to happy with his new…partner" Edward said on the break of a laughing outburst.

"Well, if you already made the list, you should share Emmett, this should not be private" Carlisle said, schooling his son.

"But I don't want to!" Emmett moaned, looking into Esme's eyes.

"It's not going to work" Alice chirped in.

_Edward…take a peek into his mind_ Carlisle thought.

"The first one is, well…there must be one wife and one husband in any relationship"

Edward scanned Emmett's mind for more rules.

"The husband and wife must do something for each other to make the fact that they are husband and wife official" Edward continued.

Emmett gave Edward the stare of death (a stare only Rosalie could pull off). Edward just smiled back, a grin as wide as the moon.

"You may not have contact with you're previous spouse" Edward said a little sad. He looked at Bella tenderly as they were both sad. Jasper was alarmed and looked into Alice's eyes, wishing he could hold her one more time. Esme and Carlisle blew each other kisses and little smiles (what troopers they were). Emmett and Rosalie looked at each other…since they could not have any contact together that would mean…

"There will be couple games that will be physical"

"And mental" Esme added.

Emmett sighed…_DAM_

Bella's eyes widened, taking all of the rules in. And they had to be applied to being _Rosalie_!

Holy crow…

"The husband and wife must be together at all times. And…he's hiding the rest!"

_Dig deeper! _Carlisle thought. Edward grunted "It's no use…he's going over the power puff girl ingredients." Edward said, defeated

"One more time" Carlisle said aoud. Edward's eyes grew bigger and a shiver past down his spine "That was uncalled for"

"My thoughts" Emmett replied. Edward growled and Esme put her hand on his. Jasper sent out calming waves. "Well, if Emmett dosen't want to share, he won't but whenever someone feels something inappropriate has happened we will have a vote. And Emmett, there will be repurcussions."

Everyone around the table nodded.

"What about punishments?" Alice asked.

"Well…let's just see what happens. I hope we won't have to make any up…"

"So…basically we're going with the flow" Rosalie summarized. "Exactly" Esme responded.

"So what will the competitions be?" Jasper inquired. Everyone looked at Edward to fish something out of Emmett's mind. "That's just stupid" Edward said. "Stupid is as stupid does!" Emmett replied.

"What? Oh…haha" Alice said "That's kind of cool."

"What is it" Rosalie asked.

"Yo momma battle" Alice replied.

"That should be…interesting" Esme swiveled in her chair.

"Oh and one more thing, to make sure every couple does something for each other you must write in you're personal diaries every day. And…you must let us know who the wife and who the husband is in the relationship"

Everyone looked at the same sexe couples, waiting. "Wife" Rosalie said. Bella just shut up and agreed. "Rose, I think you should talk it over with Bella to see if she agrees" Edward said.

"Fine. Bella do you want to be the husband?" Rosalie asked Bella in a voice to sweet to believe. "o..Okay…" Bella said a little frightened, sinking in her chair. "There" Rosalie faced Edward.

"Boys?" Carlisle asked. Jasper and Emmett looked at each other. "HUSBAND!" they both yelled at the same time. Carlisle sighed, "I had a feeling that would happen. Okay, I am going to hide a key somewhere in the forest. The first one to find it is the husband.

"Deal" They boys grinned.

"Ok— Yes Alice?" Alice was tugging at Carlisle's shirt for attention. "Well actually, I would like to be the husband in out relationship" Carlisle gave a confused look to Alice, "Maybe next time…k?"

"Suuuuure, but you know I could just tell you who wins right?"

"Actually Alice, you will not be aloud to use you're powers. Same goes to you Edward."

"Fine" they sulked.

"I will be right back" Carlisle said, and was gone in a flash. Carlisle threw the key to the house as far as possible into the trees, not knowing where it landed. He arrived back into the house in less than 30 seconds. "Give me you're keys" he told the guys. Jasper and Emmett dropped their keys into Carlisle's waiting hand. "Now, I threw a house key in the forest. I will lock the door, the first one to get back in the house is the husband. Got it?"

The guys nodded.

"On you're mark, get set, GO!"

And with that, the couple ran in separate directions out the door, like bullets.

**Ok nomads and covenies (guys n' gals hehe) how was that? Did you like it? I hope you did! (A bit OOC right now)**

**Last time I posted a chapter I kept refreshing the page, waiting for reviews.  
**

**Anyways, I'm open to constructive criticism, I don't even mind flames (whatever those are). And I'm still open to awesome ideas (but only the awesome ones) :P**

**R&R (whatever that means…)**

**P.S **

**Did you know reviewing helps the brain get smarter?**

**(Before reviews) Hluo may nuume iz jayke**

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_**Xoxo Bloody bite.**_


	5. Chapto fiyve

**I'm baaaaaaaaack!!!!! It's almost been one whole year since I've updated lawls, mah bad. Anywayz, if you could plllleaassseeee check out my blog, it's called the moody teenager. Address is themoodyteenager. Blogspot. Com (no spaces ehh, Canadian) that would be super fantastic but anywayz back to the story!**

_And with that, the couple ran in separate directions out the door, like bullets._

"Who's going to win Alice?" Carlisle asked, she looked around the room, at eight eyes, six of them vampire eyes. "I won't tell I'm not even going to check!" she said under the pressure. "Good job Alice, that was a test and you passed" Carlisle patted her back.

_Meanwhile…_

Emmett was running as fast as he could_. I need to win. I must win. If I don't I fail, epic fail. Good lord I want to win! Okay, okay breathe Emmy! Now…if I was a key where would I be hiding…? Of course! Under a tree!_

_Emmett is panicking, that's good! When Emmett panics, he acts as dumb as that kid Newton! The key is mine! _Jasper thought. Jasper was approaching the outskirts of the forest. _Dammit, at this rate Emmett will find the key. Well NO! Not if I can help it!_

Emmett's vampy senses were tingling, _I can smell it!_ The smell of metal entered his nostrils and Emmett knew he had a guaranteed victory….

_I can smell him! He still has the fibres of that stupid fedora hat on him! I better follow him; he might lead me to the key! _Jasper was now perched on a tree directly above Emmett. Emmett who was oblivious to Jasper's sneaky ways saw the shine of the key under the moonlight. _Success_! _Wait! Something feels wrong! Definitely wrong. My soon to be wife is here! DAMM_

Emmett frantically looked around him wondering where Jasper was hiding himself. Jasper saw his cue and gracefully leaped down from his branch to land right beside the key. "Thanks wifey" he said as he snatched the key off the wet grass and ran off to the house.

"CURSE YOU JASPER HALE-McCARTHEY CULLEN!"

**Alright, I know it was supa short but yeh. I gotta keep the cliff-hangers coming though. Hihi anyways tell me how it was. Give me your opinions. AND DO NOT FORGET! Themoodyteenager. Blogspot. Com Thanks**

**P.S YOU BETTA REVIEW…or else…**


	6. NO! THIS IS CHAPTER 5!

**THEMOODYTEENAGER(.)BLOGSPOT(.)COM**

"_CURSE YOU JASPER HALE-McCARTHEY CULLEN!" _

"Sup mommy" Jasper said as he entered the house, throwing the key back into Carlisle's hand. Everyone except for Bella could hear the sound of footsteps furiously approaching the door. "hehe" Edward chuckled.

'"YOU BITCH!" Emmett screamed as he exploded through the door pointing at Jasper who was clutching his knees in a fit of laughter. "Now, now that is no way to talk to your husband" Carlisle addressed Emmett. "Apologize please, to your husband and your mother for using that foul language in her home" Emmett sighed "sorry mommy...sryjasper" Esme nodded sympathetically "well, now that we have our couples, what next?" she turned to Carlisle "Well, it's already pretty late. Lets begin the festivities tomorrow" he said clasping his hands. "Why should it matter? We're creatures of the night" Rosalie asked, with acid in her tone. Edward starred at Rosalie, as well as the whole family, where Bella was standing behind her. "Oh..." she said in a cold tone.

"So I guess everyone will be rooming with their husband and wife for the rest of the night" Carlisle shrugged "Why? It's not like we sleep" Rosalie asked again, oblivious to Bella standing right behind her. The vampires in the room returned to starring at her until she understood "So what, she sleeps big whoop. I don't" She recovered. "That's an excellent point but I think it would be a good opportunity to get to know your spouse." Rosalie groaned and began marching up the stairs "come on I'll drive you home, love" Edward began "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah" Jasper began interfering with Edward's pursuit to hold Bella's hand. "No touchy. Anyways I think it would be a good idea if Rose drove her home. It would help with the "getting to know each other"" Jasper said, his mouth twitching. Edward turned to Jasper, his eyes shooting daggers. "Rose I know you heard me" Jasper said mockingly. A flash of blond hair flew down the stairs running at a vampire speed. Rosalie's hands were clutched tightly around Jasper's throat, his arms flailing. Edward grinned as he lead Bella further away. "I swear to God I will cut you up-" Rosalie threatened. "NO! Don't touch my life partner!" Emmett began to approach "I'm your life partner! Imbecile" Rosalie turned to Emmett. "Not for the next week you aren't!" he said shoving Rosalie aside. While the whole dispute was happening Edward had taken Bella near the door away from his crazy family "If you need anything or if Rose is too much, just call me" he whispered as low as possible into her ear as he shoved a tiny cell phone into her hand "I have a phone at home you know" she said, bringing his neck down, their lips barely touching. Edward grinned "I know". He began kissing Bella with a fierce desire. They were interrupted by Rosalie yanking Bella away from Edward as she opened the door, Bella in tow. Edward turned around, disappointed to see Alice being pulled away from a kiss with Jasper by Carlisle and Jasper being pulled away by Emmett. Once they were finally separated Emmett slapped Jasper as hard as he could "Your my husband now!" he said as Jasper had his hand on his cheek in shock. Edward hadn't realized Esme had been standing beside him until she sighed "This is going to be...interesting"

**THEMOODYTEENAGER(.)BLOGSPOT(.)COM**

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